Turn A Zealot's Frown Upside Down For Christmas

In looking at the postings from the religious right, I took pity, after viewing some of their Thanksgiving messages from the past week.

For example Lou Sheldon of the Traditional Values Coalition called on his flock to buck up and celebrate the spirit of Thanksgiving, despite the fact that the preferred Christian ticket (you know, the one that placed a premium on pre-emptive war, torture, and crumbs for the poor) was allowed by God to lose to a man who dared to not even be more than 50% white.

Well, he didn't quite phrase it that way, but you catch my drift.

In the spirit of Christmas (see, I am feeling so charitable, I didn't write 'holiday), I think I found some ideal gifts to pass along to the wing-nuts in your life.

For the sports fan who went to the polls and found themselves struck out by Socialists, consider giving "Jesus at bat."



You can give the above inspirational statue, found at the Catholic Shopper, for the low price of $21.95. I still haven't decided if Jesus is a pitcher or a catcher. He is versatile, however. You can also get statues of the Messiah playing football and soccer.

For those who would like to remind thoughtless drivers that they need to put the Lord in the driver's seat, there's this inspirational message:



Putting that on the bumper of one's God-mobile is a snappier alternative that will set your favorite zealot apart from the images and slogans normally displayed by God's chosen motorists, such as the sign of the fish, or "honk, if you love Jesus" (or if I am driving like an ignoramus).

And they are so affordable at Cafe Press. Just one bumper sticker only sets you back $3.99!

Finally, what says "Christ, you're a good friend," more than a selection of cheddar, gouda, edam, and, for the budget-minded, Velveeta, from the Holy Land. Perhaps you can personalize it by making your own nativity scene carved from your favorite coagulated dairy product. This gift of "Cheeses of Nazareth" will put a smile on your favorite warrior of God.



Just wait until they take their first bite out of the manger!

Jesus, I love the holidays.